Ups and Downs

So, I have been feeling a bit out of sorts the past few days.  I tend to forget when I feel good that feeling bad is part of the battle. Last week was a pretty good week and a great weekend.  I am back to the 12 hour nights and even took a 2 hour nap.  I feel guilty when I sleep so much, but pretty much know my body is doing what it is supposed to.  Trying to find balance and a simple routine is pretty hard.  Also, for the first time in almost 7 months I feel a bit depressed.  In part because I am watching someone very dear to me lose his battle with this horrible disease.  It really brings the mortality of cancer right in front of my face.  So maybe for the first time I have allowed the thought to creep in that I may not win this one either.  I have always been a go getter, but I am finding that its harder to keep going.  BUT like the little engine that could...I keep chugging away, climbing that mountain.

Last week I was able to see my awesome regular doc. for the last time.  She has had my back for 2 years, listened to my complaints and I am forever indebted to her for having the forethought to run a CBC.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would have not followed through until I became very very ill!  For 3 months, I had chalked it up to my RA, Fibro, work, life, etc.  Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be down the Leukemia road.  I am so Gonna miss you Dr. A!

James fishing!

Jaydon and Carter...finding worms to fish with

Jesse and Dakota Chillin on the mountain

I had a wonderful time at my family reunion and it was great to see everyone.  I loved being in the mountains, out of the heat, and away from everyday life.  It was great to be up in the mountains and get a little fishing on.  My kids had a great time.  After all the rain we have had, there are puddles everywhere, but TONS of beautiful wildflowers also.  Makes me wonder what life would be like without the simple things like an azure blue sky, a brilliant variety of wildflowers, and my family!  Trying to find the silver lining in the clouds can be hard at times.  Trying to be patient when my body isn't cooperating is tough also.  WHAT I do know is that even though my "magic pill" is crappy at times, it is extending my life.  I have to look at the bright side when life is hard.  The road is bumpy and rough...but in the midst of it there are wildflowers, beautiful blue skies, and 3 amazing boys that I fight for!