The past 3 years I have had continued issues with my Leukemia. I think I have pushed it to the back of my mind and just done the day to day tasks, that get me to the next day. 2013 brought me 3 surgeries, radiation and changes. My body was undergoing major changes as it adjusted to having no thyroid and going through a full forced menopause. 2014 and 2015 had its challenges. My cells changed, I failed treatment, I was diagnosed with further issues.
Fast forward to today, January 15, 2016. I am on the newest of FDA approved TKI Chemotherapy for CML. 8 months in, my blood tests look great! Despite the daily side effects, I keep plugging away.
The past year, between pain and the worst fatigue, I have become a pretty sedentary person when the temperature changes. I go out only when I have to. I avoid getting chilled. Its life altering when I do. I go into a cocoon of sorts, full-on hibernation mode. I spend days and weeks in bed dealing with the myriad of side effects. As a result, I have become complaisant. Then, a huge Epiphany shook me to my core. I realized I have power. I have control. Ive always said I can effect how I let the cancer effect me mentally. I can choose to let it knock me down emotionally or I can accept that "yep, I'm dealing with this." I find a new normal and go on with my life.
In the process of my "new normal," Ive lost something along the way. Ive forgotten that I have power. My weight has skyrocketed to my heaviest yet. 40 pounds heavier than 9 months pregnant with my biggest baby. Albeit, medications, hormone changes and health has contributed. Then, like a meteor landing in my back yard, it hit me. I AM IN CONTROL. I have power. I have choices. Yes, I cannot make my cancer go away. I cannot stop taking my daily chemo-pill. I cannot stop the pain, headaches, nausea, and debilitating fatigue. But I can do two very important things. I can change what I put into my body and I can fix my sedentary habits. I have had this tape playing in my head for over 20 years telling myself that I will never be skinny. That I will forever be overweight. Last week I snapped at my sister as she tried to correct something in my eating she saw. I was not happy that this trim and healthy person would tell me what to do when I was making a huge change to eat better and she told me to cut out the white rice. I later examined why it bothered me. I expected a pat on the back and encouraging words. Instead I got a suggestion that bothered me.
I had to take a deep and long look inside. I have had extensive learning and knowledge about healthy eating from college classes to self study. I have had a top notch Naturalpathic Doctor and Nutritionist as healthcare providers. I have read and studied. I actually know more than the average person. So why haven't I put this knowledge to good use?
I know I am at risk for diabetes and heart disease. What happens when that ends my life prematurely, robbing me of years with my family and the hopes of becoming a grandmother. So, I can continue on this road telling myself that I will never be skinny. I can continue eating what I want. I skip meals almsot every day. I find excuses to not cook, or actually have valid excuses why. Some days it takes all my strength to get out of bed. I do what I have to, then go back to bed. I have cancer, so why not rest and take care of myself. Well, this is false. I am not taking care of myself when I do not eat. Even worse, when I do, I eat the wrong foods. I eat foods loaded with fat, sugars, and carbs. I choose convenient foods.
Knowing only 8% of new years resolutions are successful, I took a long hard look inside. I have determined that something has to change. I have control and power!
The new mantra inside my head is that I am on the road to a healthy body. I will put nutrients that are healing and healthy into my body. I will push the reset button on my life.
My journey continues!
