Im leaving on a jet plane

Just getting ready to fly out to go to Cancer Treatment Centers...HOPING for some new and and unconventional ways to fight my monster.  Today I think of Thanksgiving right around the corner!  I am so thankful for those who have joined me in my fight, for my new friends I have met that only through this crappy journey I would have.  I am so thankful for so many of my friends, but today two really stand out...I am thankful for them...For Dov who is the funniest darn person I have ever met, who takes this monster and turns it into something positive and inspires so many and for Crissy who is always thinking of others, lighting up a room with her amazing smile and the only person that can turn a hospital gown and IV into Couture clothing and accessories.

So today I give thanks for those amazing people who make me smile on days I want to cry!  I admire them so much for their strength.  I am also grateful for my affiliation with ACS's Relay for Life...that really changed me... IT has changed so many.  So this holiday season, I CHALLENGE everyone to do a good deed.  Join ACS and help with the fight.  I want to quote my friend AnnaLee who spends so much time volunteering for Relay..this is  from her amazing blog (hope its okay) "Without our time to help raise funds for cancer research, housing for cancer patients, free rides to treatment and other services the American Cancer Society offers, there would be no hope....Without our time, there is no time for the person who just heard the words "you have cancer." Without our time, cancer is a death sentence. 

So my challenge to everyone who reads this...PLEASE spend a moment to give something back to someone...be a friend for someone who needs a friend, give a ride, a hug, a card, a phone call, and make this world a little better place.

Cancer my be in my bones...but it doesn't have my soul!

A day in the life....

There are some hours where I almost feel normal.  Then many days, I feel like I am on a roller-coaster that won't stop, is stuck, and I cannot get off.  The beginning of the ride starts out slow for a while.  Then as it hits the top, gaining speed and falling fast, it feels like you are careening out of control.  That pretty much sums up living with Cancer.  The fatigue and bone pain has been worse.  I have spent quite a bit of time resting.  Not that resting is bad, but I have things I want to do, a life I want to live.

The past 3 weeks I have been on a Vegan diet and trying to follow a 21 day juice fast.  I feel pretty good until about 3:00.  By then, I am utterly exhausted.  I have enjoyed my green smoothies and the scale is showing that my body likes it too.  Down 10 lbs.

The next chapter in my journey will take me to Illinois.  On Sunday my hubby and I will fly to Cancer Treatment Centers of America.  YOU know, the one you see the commercial for on TV.  They have a very high rate of success and use traditional medicine with homeopathic and nutrition.  We are also going to get my paper and bloodwork in order to find a donor match.  I am excited for the new possibilities and scared that nothing else can be done.  Its hard to always keep your game face on.  But behind the smiles and positive thoughts, I am one very terrified person.  I am worried that maybe there is nothing else to do.  I am afraid to get my hopes up, to only be disappointed.  I don't want to fall into the category with the many who lose this battle to Leukemia. Not right now anyway.  I want to have more time to be with my kids.  More time to love my hubby and just more time to enjoy life. On the other hand I am pretty convinced that I will survive.  But its the NOT knowing that drives me nuts.  It puts mortality too close to home.  Most people at 40 do not have to think about dying for 30 or so years...but Cancer, just like the roller coaster, brings our lives to a screeching halt!

When God closes a door...

I have heard many times in my life that when God closes a door he opens a window.  In fact when I first got diagnosed with Cancer my Mom gave me a painting of an open window to remind me of just that.  After a nice little 2 foot fall off of a concrete bleacher this past weekend, I am on bed rest.  I thoroughly messed up my foot.  I didn't think it possible to bruise your entire foot.  So here I sit..3 days of nothing but bed, ice, elevation etc. my mind is on overdrive.  I have been doing a lot of reading from books I got at my recent visit to my cancer hospital.  I also have been reading about how changing diet can fix part of the problem.  However after much rest, I have come to the realization that there is only so much reading and channel surfing one can do.  I have been thoroughly inpired though.

Somone has pointed out that since school begin my blogging has been neglected.  So, for those of you who care about my recent medical discoveries, here goes!  I have not had the best news as far as my treatment has gone.  I am currently on option #3 of 3 and its sort of working.  Its destroying cancer cells, but its also destroying good cells.  I have very low lymphocytes.  I have developed other conditions as "side effects" too.  I keep positive most of the time, but the fact that I am told that I have a Rare Leukemia and that it is incurable, IS JUST PLAIN OL' NOT ACCEPTABLE!!  SO for today I chose not to accept that option.  I have been reading about natural foods to heal your body.  I am stubborn and I am going to prove them wrong.  I am a true believer that by taking a pill cannot cure what ails you.  To me its a wheel with many spokes.  Right now I have a few broken spokes.  I am going to fix what I can.  Seek out what else can work, and simply not take NO for an answer.  I DO NOT accept that I cannot be cured.  I am not willing to sit by and wait and see what happens!  I am going to find a way to crawl through that window and find a way to cure my "incurable" "rare" CANCER!