A day in the life....

There are some hours where I almost feel normal.  Then many days, I feel like I am on a roller-coaster that won't stop, is stuck, and I cannot get off.  The beginning of the ride starts out slow for a while.  Then as it hits the top, gaining speed and falling fast, it feels like you are careening out of control.  That pretty much sums up living with Cancer.  The fatigue and bone pain has been worse.  I have spent quite a bit of time resting.  Not that resting is bad, but I have things I want to do, a life I want to live.

The past 3 weeks I have been on a Vegan diet and trying to follow a 21 day juice fast.  I feel pretty good until about 3:00.  By then, I am utterly exhausted.  I have enjoyed my green smoothies and the scale is showing that my body likes it too.  Down 10 lbs.

The next chapter in my journey will take me to Illinois.  On Sunday my hubby and I will fly to Cancer Treatment Centers of America.  YOU know, the one you see the commercial for on TV.  They have a very high rate of success and use traditional medicine with homeopathic and nutrition.  We are also going to get my paper and bloodwork in order to find a donor match.  I am excited for the new possibilities and scared that nothing else can be done.  Its hard to always keep your game face on.  But behind the smiles and positive thoughts, I am one very terrified person.  I am worried that maybe there is nothing else to do.  I am afraid to get my hopes up, to only be disappointed.  I don't want to fall into the category with the many who lose this battle to Leukemia. Not right now anyway.  I want to have more time to be with my kids.  More time to love my hubby and just more time to enjoy life. On the other hand I am pretty convinced that I will survive.  But its the NOT knowing that drives me nuts.  It puts mortality too close to home.  Most people at 40 do not have to think about dying for 30 or so years...but Cancer, just like the roller coaster, brings our lives to a screeching halt!