Leukemia Awareness Month!

9 months ago today I received a phone call that put all the worrying, doubt, false-hope, and fears aside that I had been stressing over for a few weeks.  My bone marrow results were finally in.  I spent the holidays very stressed out wondering if it were my last with my family.  I didn't know if I had the aggressive form that claimed the life of a cousin.  As the holiday's delayed my final cytology report, my appointment was delayed and I was eagerly awaiting my fate.  I had received part of the fax showing that some of my cells looked like AML.  Finally the pieces of the puzzle came together on January 6th when a very nice doctor called to tell me that I indeed had the Philadelphia Chromosome.  He urged me to follow up as soon as possible with my Oncologist and to begin treatment.

The day I had my first blood draw.  Little did I know that this is what Cancer looks like.

It was not quite a month earlier when I was blindsided by a phone call from my primary care nurse asking me to come in and repeat a CBC.  I was sure she was going to tell me I had diabetes.  I TOTALLY never expecting what was to come! After my blood draw she asked me to wait in a room, because my doctor would want to talk to me.  She asked if I had been very ill and treated in the local hospital?  I replied NO.  I explained that nothing other than a few bruises that don't seem to go away, the fatigue I have been complaining of for months, but nothing else seemed out the ordinary.  When Dr. Arnold came in, she picked up my new blood results and said OH crap (not the word she used.)  I joked with her that patients don't really like hearing that from their doctor.  As she explained in just a week, my cells had risen 6,000 points and asked a little of family history.  I could see the expression on her face that she was concerned (remind me to get her in a game of high-stakes poker.)  It was a whirlwind of emotions over the weekend, waiting, wondering as my blood was sent to a pathologist. First thing Monday morning my Dr. called and by noon I was scheduled to see an Oncologist in SLC on Thursday.

My husband and I traveled to Salt Lake City, where I would again be blindsided.   My grandmother had been battling CLL for over 20 years.  I was convinced I had what she did and I would be just fine.  I was examined by a PA, a nurse practitioner and finally an Oncologist trained in blood disorders.  She left the room and I turned to my husband, "She is going to come back in and tell me I am a hypochondriac."  We had discussed hopping over to Red Lobster, Christmas shopping, etc..  As we laughed my mood was suddenly and forever changed.   A knock came to my door, I was shocked when a social worker, the nurse and doctor returned.  I had a form of Myelogenous Leukemia.  She suspected it was the chronic form or the beginning stages of the Acute form, which I didn't want to have.  She answered a few questions, as I was just in shock.  I texted family and friends to let them know I had CML, with the fear of AML in the back of my head.  I was told I would return to the hospital as soon as possible and receive a bone marrow biopsy.  So much for Red Lobster and shopping.  We headed home to talk to our children and prepare for my bone marrow biopsy just a few days before Christmas.  Suddenly I was speechless, numb, and a million thoughts filled my head.  I KNEW that AML often ended lives very quickly.  A cousin had died after a 2 year battle, another cousins wife in just a month.  I was worried, shocked, and just wanted to go home to hug my 3 kids.

My bone marrow biopsy was scheduled just before Christmas.  I was told to not worry and enjoy my holidays..  YEP that was a piece of cake. NOT...  I felt like a lamb to the slaughter.  I tried to keep positive for my family, but I was worried.  On the day of my little surgery at St. Marks, we turned around less than 30 miles from home in a blizzard.  I was rescheduled for Christmas Eve and sad that I would have to travel again so decided to call around.  I found a doctor in the next town over that on occasion performed them.  WHAT a nice man he was.  He agreed to come in when he should have been beginning the holidays.  I spent a very sore Christmas Eve and the following week.  I have now learned that the front of the hip is not a fun place, however I was knocked out.

Flash forward to today, 9 months later from when that very nice doctor called me to tell me that I did have CML, I have learned now that modern medicine has taken a once fatal illness (just 10 years ago) and made it treatable with a lovely invention called Gleevec.  My journey with Gleevec was horrible.  I found friends via facebook and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I would eventually switch to a doctor at an awesome cancer hospital specializing in AML and CML.  I would also receive a much needed break from that yucky chemo and start a newer form of an oral chemo only 4 years on the market.  I would have ups and many many downs, side effects, tears, anger and MOST OF ALL HOPE.  Hope it all I have to hold on to.  HOPE, knowing that 10 years ago I would be dying and HOPE that with the invention of 3 types of oral chemotherapy in pill form, would save my life.  HOPE that I would see my 3 boys graduate from high school...HOPE that the 7 new types of medicine in the workings that a CURE would be found.  HOPE that each day I survive this horrible, crappy, disease, will be just ONE of many!

I WILL WIN!